Most certainly you will be in my prayers!
I have some idea of your plight, having only recently been received into the BOC myself. My route included material for enquirers that was provided by Father Simon, and I can heartily recommend that you contact him and see what he has. This should help you to see what Orthodoxy is all about and whether God wants you to join us. Try: <!-- e --><a href="mailto:email@example.com">firstname.lastname@example.org</a><!-- e -->
May God bless you, and send His Holy Spirit to guide you in your quest for His will for you.
With love and prayers,