This being Holy Week (I'm just back from one of this evening's prayer services with more still to come) so I cannot hope to do justice to your questions in any reply I might offer your refrshingly honest questions. I feel I also want to say that some of these issues might be better discussed at a personal level one to one rather than in an open forum. For now I will take these things that you have shared and make them matters for prayer.
If you wanted to discuss any of this with any of the British Orthdoox clergy you will find our contact details (email and phone) in the clergy section of the website.
I also have a whole series of lectures on DVD by an Orthodox priest with related reading material I have put together that I can post if you are interested.
One last comment for now - we don't go in for condemnatory judgmentalism as Orthodox... and if we do then to the extent that we do, then to that extent we are not being Orthodox. (I've got more than enough of my own skeletons rattling around without getting over excited about any you feel you have).
Please be assured of my prayers for you both,