Many thanks for your posting. I think that the very serious error I was making was thinking that I could fit the ocean of God's Truth into my thimble of personal understanding. The grandeur of God is unimaginably vast and incomprehensible. His ways are past all human understanding, and yet there is Holy Scripture and Tradition which guides us, through the Holy Spirit.
The Christian Gospel makes no human sense. To a human way of thinking, it is utter foolishness. The mistake is in trying to make it make human sense rather than just accepting it for what it is in faith and trust, and realising that you are never going to comprehend it in all its fullness, richness and beauty on this side of eternity, and probably not even after that. You are given what you need for the journey as a gift of love. You just need to have faith that you are being guided aright in God's good time and according to His purposes, and that His Love will not let you go, however many blunders you make.
I have made many serious errors in my life, and this was perhaps the biggest of all.
Thank you for your prayers and concern.