Law and repentance

[Fr Simon]

Dear Father Gregory,

Ah but what it is to be reminded of what one has so often said unto others! How many, many times I have said to others that there’s no such thing as ‘just’ something or other. Even that scraggy old grass growing alongside the A34 is not ‘just’ a load of weeds and grass. The A34 is one of the South of England’s notorious car parks that occasionally passes for what it was designed to be, a major highway with flowing traffic. But what joyous moments I have spent stuck there in traffic jams admiring the astonishing beauty of that grass being rippled like waves by the wind. It is, of course, no more ‘just’ grass and weeds than the trees that so delight me when their leaves are moved by the wind and the sunlight shimmers through them – or those wondrous sunsets the Divine Artist paints so many evenings or the beauty of the star strewn heaven He displays night after night… They are of course all manifestation of the Creator. “Every visible or invisible creature is a theophany or appearance of God.” (John Scotus Eriugena).

So yes I have often corrected those who told me that something or other was ‘just’ whatever it was. And then there was that expression used so frequently in the prayer tradition of the Christianity of my teenage years, “Lord we just want to ask you…” I still want to ask Him of course and much and often but rarely these days do I ‘just’ want to ask God for whatever it may be.

And after all that I manage to come out with such a faux pass as apparently belittling my calling and ordination (which I fought against and resisted so long, having some concept, however inadequate, of how awesome a thing it was) by saying “I am just a pastor”. Mea culpa! Your correction is as well deserved as it is well intentioned and I assure you it is equally well received. Thank you Father Gregory.

So many thoughts and memories crowd in – hearing the words read at my ordination as a priest about the seraphim standing along side me at holy communion… or then the day I became an hegumenos, as Abba Seraphim prayed one of the prayers referring to my being elevated to hegumenos, he turned to face east and there right in front of my eyes, on the back of his Episcopal crown, was an icon of our Lord elevated on the cross: “And I, if I be lifted up…” Just a pastor indeed!!! Yes, truly I thank you my friend for it is good to be corrected and reminded.

On the matter of your tribunal decision and my previous posting in which I wrote about struggling towards some concept of the spirit rather than the letter of the law I was feeling my way towards what you have so clearly expressed when you write about “the intention of the legislators when enacting what was supposed to be beneficent law”. And this reflects my appreciation of the canons, which interestingly enough I hardly ever refer to as canon law because I prefer to think of them as canons, intended to help and guide me as a pastor in my ministry of healing, of salvation – not as law in that ‘harsh’ sense. The verse you quote is undoubtedly one of my favourite verses in the Bible and is my guiding principle as a pastor, not to break that bruised reed nor snuff out that smouldering wick but to breathe life into it.

I sometimes do get concerned with some of the discussions in the Forum whether they can be confusing for newcomers (which is, I concede, a bit rich coming from one who writes “I am just a pastor” thereby risking confusing any enquirer or new member into thinking that the whole pastor business is of little consequence!) and so I am really thankful that you have written such a helpful posting here on the canons and why we have them and what they are for. For they are not to be dismissed or thought lightly of (any more than being a pastor is to be dismissed or thought lightly of) or ignored because I should simply do what Jesus would do but rather the canons are there to hopefully help me do what Jesus would do. Yes I may apply them with economy and yes I must apply them with love and yes I must ever remember the bruised reed and smouldering wick and remember what it is that I am about when I am guided by the canons but nonetheless guided by them I must be as a spiritual doctor or physician responsible for people’s spiritual health and well being rather than ‘just’ (!) making it up as I go along as the fancy takes me.

Thank you again,

Simon